Final Paper #2

November 24 2012

Expecting Parents, Santa Cruz California

Dear Expecting Parents:

When it comes to the topic of gender roles within parenting most of us will readily agree that traditional roles are healthy. Where this agreement usually ends, however, is on the question of equalitarian or androgynous gender roles orientation. Whereas some are convinced that traditional gender roles are beneficial, I believe that children who grow up within an equalitarian family, as compared to a family who adheres to traditional gender roles may benefit in their development. This is important because it can lead to higher self-esteem, greater academic achievements, and future happiness within love and dating relationships for your children.

Our society is full of gender biases and stereotypes that are developed in childhood, and are learned from our parents. According to Human Anatomy by Kenneth S. Saladin, our brain grows 75% from birth, and throughout our childhood we are learning and connecting from what we see and hear around us. This is why at a very young age it is important to make the correct connections with gender which will be vital for our growth into society. As a young girl seeing your mother build a desk, or fix a car for example leads you to believe that those are not only jobs for men; just as watching your dad cook dinner or pack your lunch for school helps you understand that its not only women who should be in the kitchen. As gender roles change in society and women become CEOs of fortunate 500 companies and leaders in government positions; it is important to give your daughter the opportunities at a young age to realize she will have all the same potentials as a man would. Like wise for young boys it releases the pressures of “being a man” not all boys want to be a firefighter or the president of the United States. Boys need to know that it is ok to show emotion and be care takers, which will lead them to having better relationships and sense of self.

Traditional gender roles would be described as, for example, the man goes to work and provides financial support for his family; while the women cares for the children and does the house work. Kids whom grow up within a traditional gender role family would spend much less time with their dad then mom. In an equalitarian family both the mom and dad would have equal responsibilities with childcare, work, and house chores. In equalitarian families the relationship between father and child is much stronger. It also gives them a variety in caretaking and through it adds diversion to their lifestyle and relationships. A family who raises their child in an androgynous gender role orientation would likely lead to a more equalitarian type situation. Androgynous meaning that they would allow their child to grow up with the nature, emotions, and behaviors of either male or female. If the child was a girl and they wanted to have short hair and play with GI Joes then that would be accepted.

According to Purdue University’s Tips for Healthy Gender Development: “Giving boys and girls the chance to watch women and men do different jobs,” will help promote healthy gender role development. In equalitarian families kids will see their mother and father go to work, clean the house, and help them with school work. This gives them the opportunity to see that either gender is capable of all jobs. Growing up knowing that you can succeed in what you enjoy doing, not just what your specific gender is suppose to do leads to less depression and higher self-esteem.

Girls, in particularly, who have a father who are involved with activities and school work are said to become more interested in math and science, leading to better grades and achievements within those areas of study. In the article, “Gender Roles in Marriage: What do they mean for girls’ and boys’ school achievements” by Kimberly A. Updegraff, discusses how growing up within traditional feminine roles drastically affect young girls performances in math and science, were as girls who have a more masculine social roll may achieve higher scores and be more interested in the subjects. This more masculine roll in young girls comes from the idea that their father was around in day to day activities to instill those masculine qualities, and that they were encouraged to achieve results in more masculine studies, such as math and science, and not only typical female gender studies.

As a young girl I grew up around a mother who provided income by working full time, was involved in activities and school work, and could change the oil on her own car if needed. As I aged through adolescents it left me open to the fact that I didn’t need to find a boyfriend because I wouldn’t need them to provide and support me someday. I was able to choose someone that I wanted in my life for happiness. It has lead me to be self sufficient and provided me with the confidence to realize I could do and be whatever I set my mind to. Unfortunately many of my friends who grew up within a traditional family were desperate for boyfriends because they were reinforced with the idea that you need a husband to take care of you, or else you have failed. This leads to depression and low self-esteem in young women, and can easily be fixed by having a strong self efficient role model as a mother and a father who has a bigger role at home.

In the article, “Gender Role Socialization and Adolescents’ Reports of Depression: Why some girls and not others?” by Dawn A Obeidallah, they analyzed the depression symptoms of girls, and analyzed the gender role of their parents. They wanted to explore the idea that the push for young girls to act in less masculine ways and take on a more traditional feminine gender role may be linked to negative mental health experiences. “Parents’ marital roles may be an important factor in adolescents’ gender identity socialization because mothers and fathers interaction and their division of family activities provide adolescent girls a script for acceptable gendered behavior” (Obeidallah 777) The conclusion of the study showed that girls who have more masculine qualities have less depressive behaviors. Some ideas of why this happens is because mothers who have a more powerful roll in a relationship show the daughter how important self efficiency is, which lack of, is associated with depression symptoms. This directly relates to my situation and why having a strong female role model is so important for mental health while growing up.

I discussed a lot about how equalitarian gender rolls affect girls; however, they are very important in young boys development as well. In Michael Kimmel’s, “Bro’s Before Hoes” he explains how boys are pressured from their dad to be tough; for instance, they can’t cry or show emotion. This causes them to, “turn to anger and violence because these, they believe, perhaps rightly, are the only acceptable forms of emotional expression” (Kimmel 616). This is obviously not a healthy way for your young boy to grow up. If you have a strong mother role and a father who accepts that boys can break the gender role barriers you may help prevent these kinds of feelings within your children. Equalitarian parents and androgynous gender role orientation will foster the attitude that emotion is acceptable and necessary in some situations. This may also lead to stronger and healthier relationships for your child in the future.

Many equalitarian couples believe that providing an androgynous gender orientation is the best way to raise a child. Children learn to adopt gender roles that are not always fair to both sexes, they learn at a very young age what is meant to be a boy or girl in society. A child’s sense of self is formed by the attitudes and behaviors they are exposed to; therefore, parents shouldn't expect all boys or all girls to like the same things. It’s very important that you let your children explore who they are and what they like without telling them what they are suppose to enjoy based on their sex. Some ideas are; letting them play with whatever type of toys they are drawn to, making sure they have friends of both sexes, make positive statements about both gender, and help them understand the messages they see from the media. Parents who have an equalitarian attitude regarding gender roles are more likely to foster that attitude in their children. Androgynous individuals have been found to have higher self esteem and higher levels of identity achievements.

As an expecting parent, how to raise your child is an extremely important topic. Everyone has different beliefs, and has been raised in different ways. With our changing society, and the direction it is heading with gender roles, I believe it’s very important to give your kids all the opportunities they deserve regardless of their sex. In an equalitarian family you teach them from the start that they have every opportunity and avoid limiting their potential.

Sincerely,

Amber Poulliot, Cabrillo College