RA "Bros before Hos": The Guy Code

            In the selection of reading “Bros before Hos: The Guy Code”, by Michael Kimmel he writes about the standards and ideals young men must live up to, to be accepted in today’s society. The article was part of a book he wrote in 2008, written about men ages sixteen to twenty six and directed towards anyone interested in gender and how it relates to masculinity and men. According to Kimmel young men most live and abide by a set of rules called the “guy code”, which has been instilled into them by family, peers, and the media from a very young age. The purpose is to relate this code to why young men act and feel the way they do, and how masculinity is perceived in culture.

            Kimmel first uses exemplification to explain what the guy code is all about. The guy code is a “collection of attitudes, values, and traits that together compose what it means to be a man.” (609) The code consist of traits such as; men don’t cry, men aren’t aloud to be sissies, men must be strong, masculinity is achieved by gaining wealth and power, men don’t connect to their body, they must take risks. He uses example of young men who coaches, dads, brothers, and friends have ridiculed them for showing any kind of emotion other then angry.

            In the next section of the text, “The Gender Police”, Kimmel explains how throughout adolescents boys are pressured to act a certain way due to fear of ridicule and humiliation by peers. As a guy if you step outside these rules you are opening yourself up to be called words such as gay and homo, which he believes for a young man is the ultimate put down of their masculinity; therefore, self. “Everything that is perceived as gay goes into what we might call the Negative Playbook of Guyland.” (613) Men need to avoid everything in it to keep their manhood.

Towards the end of the article he uses cause and effect, which discusses the effect that the boy code has on men as they mature. The boy code is no different then the guy code, it just starts at a younger age and teaches men to grow distant from their mothers, in order to grow up to be a man. It causes them to grow up thinking that showing emotion is never ok, which in the long term makes it complicated to grow healthy relationships with others in life. “The boy code leaves boys disconnected from a wide range of emotions, and prohibited from sharing those feelings with others.” (616) They grow uses violence instead of words, which leads them to depression, and emotion issues.

I believe that to a large extent the “guy code” is a very real and social challenge in guy’s lives. I think Kimmel has hit the nail on the head to why many men act in a macho and emotionless matter. I find it very unfortunate that even in a society where race, sexual preference, and women’s right are accepted and normal this internal gender issue still exists. I have been friends with, and dated many men who have these traits and some who defy them. I find that as Kimmel says, when men are with other men they have this need to prove their masculinity; however, in more personal situation I have luckily been able to witness that it does not cause all men to close up and become an emotionless and angry driven person.