(working on conclusion paragraph/how to close the letter and type of action to request, tone and tense of letter, organization)
November 24 2012
Expecting Parents, Santa Cruz California
Dear Expecting Parents:
When it comes to the topic of gender roles within parenting most of us will readily agree that traditional gender roles are healthy. Where this agreement usually ends, however, is on the question of equalitarian or androgynous gender roles orientation. Whereas some are convinced that traditional gender roles are beneficial, I believe that children who grow up within an equalitarian family, as compared to a family who adheres to traditional gender roles may benefit in their development. This is important because it can lead to higher self-esteem, greater academic achievements, and future happiness within love and dating relationships for the child.
Our society is full of gender bias and stereotypes that are developed in childhood and are learned from our parents. Our brain grows 75% from birth, and throughout our childhood we are learning and connecting from what we see and hear around us. This is why at a very young age it is so important to make the correct connections with gender which will be vital for our growth into society. As a young girl seeing your mother build a desk, or fix a car for example leads you to believe that those are not only jobs for men; just as watching your dad cook dinner or pack your lunch for school helps you understand that its not only women who should be in the kitchen. As gender roles change in society and women become CEOs of fortunate 500 companies and leaders in government positions; it is important to give your daughter the opportunities at a young age to realize she will have all the same potentials as a man would. Like wise for young boys it releases the pressures of “being a man” not all boys want to be a firefighter or president of the United States. Boys need to know that it is ok to show emotion and be care takers, which will lead them to having better relationships and sense of self.
Traditional gender roles would be described as the man goes to work and provides financial support for his family; while the women cares for the children and does the house work. Kids who grow up within a traditional gender role family would spend much less time with their dad then mom. In an equalitarian or androgynous gender role orientation both the mom and day would have equal responsibilities with childcare, work, and house chores. In equalitarian families the relationship between father and child is much stronger. It also gives them a variety in caretaking and through it adds diversion to their lifestyle and relationships.
According to Purdue University’s Tips for Healthy Gender Development: “Giving boys and girls the chance to watch women and men do different jobs,” will help promote healthy gender role development. In equalitarian families kids will see their mother and father go to work, clean the house, and help them with school work. This gives them the opportunity to see that either gender is capable of all jobs. Growing up knowing that you can succeed in what you enjoy doing not just what your specific gender is suppose to do leads to less depression and higher self-esteem.
Girls, in particularly, who have a father who is involved with activities and school work are said to become more interested in math and science, leading to better grades and achievements within the areas of study. In the article, “Gender Roles in Marriage: What do they mean for girls’ and boys’ school achievements” they discuss how growing up within traditional feminine roles drastically affect young girls performances in math and science, were as girls who have a more masculine social roll may achieve higher scores and be more interested in the subjects. This more masculine roll in young girls comes from the idea that their father was around in day to day activities to instill those masculine qualities, and that they were encouraged to achieve results in more masculine studies, such as math and science, and not only typical female gender studies.
As a young girl I grew up around a mother who provided income by working full time, was involved in activities and school work, and could change the oil on her own car if needed. As I aged through adolescents it left me open to the fact that I didn’t need to find a boyfriend because I would need them to provide and support me someday. I was able to choose someone that I wanted in my life for happiness, unlike a lot of my friends who were desperate for boyfriends because they were reinforced with the idea that you need a husband to take care of you, or else you have failed. This leads to depression and low self-esteem to young women, and can easily be fixed by having a strong role model as mother and a father who has a bigger role at home.
In the article, “Gender Role Socialization and Adolescents’ Reports of Depression: Why some girls and not others?” they analyzed the depression symptoms of girls, and analyzed the gender role of their parents. They wanted to explore the idea that the push for young girls to act in less masculine ways and take on a more traditional feminine gender role may be linked to negative mental health experiences. “Parents’ marital roles may be an important factor in adolescents’ gender identity socialization because mothers and fathers interaction and their division of family activities provide adolescent girls a script for acceptable gendered behavior” (Obeidallah 777) The conclusion of the study showed that girls who have more masculine qualities have less depressive behaviors. Some ideas of why this happens is because mothers who have a more powerful roll in a relationship show the daughter how important self efficiency is, which lack of, is associated with depression symptoms.
In Michael Kimmel’s, “Bro’s Before Hoes” he explains how boys are pressured from their dad to be tough; for instance, they can’t cry or show emotion. This causes them to, “turn to anger and violence because these, they believe, perhaps rightly, are the only acceptable forms of emotional expression” (Kimmel 616). This is obviously not a healthy way for your young boy to grow up. If you have a strong mother role and a father who accepts that boys can break the gender role barriers you may help prevent these kinds of feelings within your children. Equalitarian parents and androgynous gender role orientation will foster the attitude that emotion is acceptable and necessary in some situations. This may also lead to stronger and healthier relationships for your child in the future.
Some equalitarian couples believe that providing an androgynous gender orientation is the best way to raise a child. Children learn to adopt gender roles that are not always fair to both sexes, they learn at a very young age what is meant to be a boy or girl in society. A child’s sense of self is formed by the attitudes and behaviors they are exposed to; therefore, parents shouldn’t expect all boys or all girls to like the same things. It’s very important that you let your children explore who they are and what they like without telling them that they are suppose to enjoy based on their sex. Some ideas are; letting them play with whatever type of toy they are drawn to, making sure they have friends of both sexes, make positive statements about both gender, and help them understand the messages they see from the media. Parents who have an equalitarian attitude regarding gender roles are more likely to foster that attitude in their children. Androgynous individuals have been found to have higher self esteem and higher levels of identity achievements.
Sincerely,
Amber Poulliot, Cabrillo College
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