November 24 2012
Expecting Parents, Santa Cruz California
Dear Expecting Parents:
As an expecting parent, how to raise your child is an
extremely important topic. Everyone has different beliefs, and has been raised
in different ways. With our changing society, and the direction it is heading
with gender roles, I believe it’s very important to give your children all the opportunities
that they deserve regardless of their sex. Whereas some are convinced that
traditional gender roles are beneficial, I believe that children who grow up
within an equalitarian family, as compared to a family who adheres to
traditional gender roles may benefit in their development. This is important
because it can lead to higher self-esteem, greater academic achievements, and
future happiness within love and dating relationships for your children.
When it comes to the topic of gender roles within parenting
most of us will readily agree that traditional roles are healthy. Where this
agreement usually ends, however, is on the question of equalitarian or
androgynous gender roles orientation. Whereas some are convinced that
traditional gender roles are beneficial, I believe that children who grow up
within an equalitarian family, as compared to a family who adheres to
traditional gender roles may benefit in their development. This is important
because it can lead to higher self-esteem, greater academic achievements, and
future happiness within love and dating relationships for your children.
Our society is full of gender biases and stereotypes that
are developed in childhood, and are learned from our parents. According to Human Anatomy by Kenneth S. Saladin, our
brain grows 75% from birth, and throughout our childhood we are learning and
connecting from what we see and hear (Saladin 92). This is why at a very young
age it is important to make the correct connections with gender which will be
vital for our growth into society. For example, as a young girl seeing your
mother build a desk, or fix a car leads you to believe that those are not only
jobs for men; just as watching your dad cook dinner or pack your lunch for
school helps you understand that its not only women who should be in the
kitchen. As gender roles change in society and women become CEOs of fortunate
500 companies and leaders in government positions; it is important to give your
daughter the opportunities at a young age to realize she will have all the same
potentials as a man would. Like wise for young boys it releases the pressures
of “being a man” not all boys want to be a firefighter or the president of the
United States. Boys need to know that it is ok to show emotion and be care
takers, which will lead them to having better relationships and sense of self.
Traditional gender roles would be described as; the man goes to work and provides financial support for his family, while the women cares for the children and does the house work. Kids whom grow up within a traditional family would spend much less time with their dad then mom. In an equalitarian family both the mom and dad would have equal responsibilities with childcare, work, and house chores. In equalitarian families the relationship between father and child is much stronger. It also gives them a variety in caretaking, and through it adds diversion to their lifestyle and relationships. A family who raises their child in an androgynous gender role orientation would likely lead to a more equalitarian type situation. Androgynous gender orientation means that they would allow their child to grow up with the personality, emotions, and behaviors of either male or female. For instance, if the child was a girl and they wanted to have short hair and play with GI Joes then that would be accepted.
According to Purdue University’s Tips for Healthy Gender
Development, “Giving boys and girls the chance to watch women and men do
different jobs will help promote healthy gender role development.” In
equalitarian families kids will see their mother and father go to work, clean
the house, and help them with school work. This gives them the opportunity to
see that either gender is capable of all jobs. Growing up knowing that you can
succeed in what you enjoy doing, not just what your specific gender is suppose
to do leads to less depression and higher self-esteem.
Girls, in particularly, who have a father who are involved
with activities and school work are said to become more interested in math and
science, leading to better grades and achievements within those areas of study.
In the article, “Gender Roles in Marriage: What do
they mean for girls’ and boys’ school achievements” by Kimberly A. Updegraff, she
discusses how growing up within traditional feminine roles drastically affect
young girls performances in math and science, were as girls who have a more
masculine traits may achieve higher scores and be more interested in the
subjects. Updegraff suggests, “this more masculine roll in young girls comes
from the idea that their father was around in day to day activities to instill
those masculine qualities”, and that they were encouraged to achieve results in
more masculine studies, such as math and science, and not only typical female
gender studies (Updegraff 76).
As a young girl I grew up around a mother who provided income by working full time, was involved in activities and school work, and could change the oil on her own car if needed. As I aged through adolescents it left me open to the fact that I didn’t need to find a boyfriend because I wouldn’t need them to provide and support me someday. I was able to choose someone that I wanted in my life for happiness. It has lead me to be self sufficient and provided me with the confidence to realize I could do and be whatever I set my mind to. Unfortunately many of my friends who grew up within a traditional family were desperate for boyfriends because they were reinforced with the idea that you need a husband to take care of you, or else you have failed. This leads to depression and low self-esteem in young women, and can easily be fixed by having a strong self efficient role model as a mother and a father who has a bigger role at home.
In the article, “Gender Role
Socialization and Adolescents’ Reports of Depression: Why some girls and not
others?” by Dawn A Obeidallah, they analyzed the depression symptoms of girls,
and analyzed the gender role of their parents. They wanted to explore the idea
that the push for young girls to act in less masculine ways and take on a more
traditional feminine gender role may be linked to negative mental health experiences.
“Parents’ marital roles may be an important factor in adolescents’ gender
identity socialization because mothers and fathers interaction and their
division of family activities provide adolescent girls a script for acceptable
gendered behavior” (Obeidallah 777) The conclusion of the study showed that
girls who have more masculine qualities have less depressive behaviors.
Obeidallah points out, “ideas of why this happens is because mothers who have a
more powerful roll in a relationship show the daughter how important self
efficiency is, which lack of, is associated with depression symptoms.” This
directly relates to my situation and why having a strong female role model is
so important for mental health while growing up.
I discussed a lot about how equalitarian gender rolls affect
girls; however, they are very important in young boys development as well. In
Michael Kimmel’s, “Bro’s Before Hoes” he explains how boys are pressured from
their dad to be tough; for instance, they can’t cry or show emotion. This
causes them to, “turn to anger and violence because these, they believe,
perhaps rightly, are the only acceptable forms of emotional expression” (Kimmel
616). This is obviously not a healthy way for your young boy to grow up. If you
have a strong mother role and a father who accepts that boys can break the
gender role barriers you may help prevent these kinds of feelings within your
children. Equalitarian parents and androgynous gender role orientation will
foster the attitude that emotion is acceptable and necessary in some
situations. This may also lead to stronger and healthier relationships for your
child in the future.
Many equalitarian couples believe that providing an
androgynous gender orientation is the best way to raise a child. According to
Janice L. DeLucia the author of “Gender role identity
and dating behavior”,
androgynous individuals have been found to have higher self esteem and higher
levels of identity achievements (DeLucia 160).
Children learn to adopt gender roles that are not always fair to both sexes,
they learn at a very young age what is meant to be a boy or girl in society. A
child’s sense of self is formed by the attitudes and behaviors they are exposed
to; therefore, parents shouldn’t expect all boys or all girls to like the same
things. It’s very important that you let your children explore who they are and
what they like without telling them what they are suppose to enjoy based on
their sex. Some ideas are; letting them play with whatever type of toys they
are drawn to, making sure they have friends of both sexes, make positive
statements about both genders, and help them understand the messages they see
from the media. Parents who have an equalitarian attitude regarding gender
roles are more likely to foster that attitude in their children, which in turn will
provide them with every opportunity regardless of sex and avoid limiting their potential
Sincerely,
Amber Poulliot, Cabrillo College
Annotated Bibliography
Updegraff, Kimberly A., Susan M. Mchale, and Ann C.
Crouter. “Gender Roles in Marriage: What do they mean for girls’ and boys’
school achievements.” Journal
of Youth and Adolescence 25.1
(1996): 73-88. SpringerLink.
Web. 9 Nov. 2012.
This article was published in the Journal of Youth and
Adolescence in 1996, and was written about a study to compare school
achievements of children in traditional and equalitarian families. Traditional
families meant that most of the socialization and activities are only with the
mother, in an equalitarian family the mother and father participated equally in
activities with the children. The study showed that in early adolescents that
the families’ socialization process directly effects their child’s academic
achievements, and that there are differences for boys and girls. If girls only
focus on traditional feminine roles it can drastically affect their
performances in math and science, were as girls who have a more masculine
social roll may achieve higher scores and be more interested in math and
science. This more masculine roll in young girls comes from the idea that their
father was around in day to day activities to instill those masculine
qualities.
Obeidallah, Dawn A., Susan M. Michale, and Rainer K.
Silbereisen. “Gender Role Socialization and Adolescents’ Reports of Depression:
Why some girls and not others?” Journal
of Youth and Adolescence 25.6
(1996): 775-85. SpingerLink.
Web. 5 Nov. 2012.
This article was published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence in 1996, and was written about a study
to compare the depression levels of girls growing up in traditional and
equalitarian families. The article was written in a scientific matter and
explains the outcome of tests they conducted on 87 7th and 8th grade girls. They analyzed the
depression symptoms of girls, and analyzed the gender role of their parents.
They wanted to explore the idea that the push for young girls to act in less
masculine ways and take on a more traditional feminine gender role may be
linked to negative mental health experiences. “Parents’ marital roles may be an
important factor in adolescents’ gender identity socialization because mothers
and fathers interaction and their division of family activities provide
adolescent girls a script for acceptable gendered behavior” (777) The
conclusion of that studies showed that girls who have more masculine qualities
have less depressive behaviors. Some ideas of why this happens is because
mothers who have a more powerful roll in a relationship show the daughter how
important self efficiency is, which lack of, is associated with depression
symptoms.
Additional Works Citied
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